I have now entered a very transitional, new stage of my life and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I have my own place. I have a job that enables me to afford my own place, (still struggling to learn how to budget my money so I do not have to live pay check to pay check). I have enough money to survive on my own, but not enough money to do what I want to do. No, I will not be a nanny forever, that is not what I spent 5 years in college for, but what now? What do I do? I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to move into the next phase, the next step. I want to get married, I want to buy a shitty foreclosed house and spend all my free time fixing it up and making it mine. I want to have a salary. I want to have health insurance. I want to have a reliable car. I want to have kids one day. I want to have a dog. I want to be skinny again. I want to be healthy again. I want my hair to be long. I want a new laptop. I want to have food in my cabinets.
All of this seems to far away, which is fine, maybe I'm impatient. I just feel restless I suppose.
Perhaps I'll just get another tattoo.
Let's see. I'm how many years out now from the beginning of my transitional phase? Hmmm. Let's actually not figure that out.
ReplyDeleteANYWAY after this undisclosed amount of years I can honestly say: It's all transition. You'll never feel ready for the next thing, or you'll think "It will be FOREVER before that's here" and then BAM! It just happens. Like you blink your eyes and you're married and have a cute dog and a cute house and then you're pregnant. Ahem.
The best way I've learned to deal with it--learned about it, haven't mastered it--is 1) to enjoy whatever freedom I have in that moment; 2) to see transition as exciting. It damn well better be if we're going to constantly live in it. :)